Is It Too Late for Us?
by SwanQueen4tw
Summary: A version of the Mariah/Tessa story all of us Y&R fans deserve. Song originally used is "Hello" by Adele. I edited the lyrics to fit this story.


It had been days since my journal went missing. _The fact that my deepest feelings were inked into countless pages terrified me. Everything I had written about Tessa-our friendship-our kiss-was laid out. The fact that I kissed my brother's girlfriend while I was with Devon…Everything that Hilary would love to exploit._ My stomach churned at the thought. Being the person Sharon was, she wanted to help. She knew what was wrong even though she didn't read the words I had written.

"We're going to find it, Mariah." Looking from my empty mug, I tried keeping my normal demeanor. "Peace offering?"

"Please." Pushing the mug towards my mother, I allowed Sharon to refill it. Realizing I needed to talk but would never admit it, she sat. "Am I that obvious?"

"Only to me." She smiled sympathetically.

Giving in, I made sure no one important was around before speaking. "So many people could be hurt if that journal gets read by the wrong person."

"Is it about-"

"Yes." Pinching the bridge of my nose, I sighed.

"And the-"

"Yes. It would probably answer a few questions for Devon but it would also destroy Noah." Huffing in frustration, I bowed my head. "I don't know what to do. I just don't."

"Just keep looking."

Xxx

The next day, we had a live Hilary Hour. To my dismay, Hilary scheduled Tessa to play her new hit song. _This is just what I need. To see her sitting so close, in her zone, destroying the walls I have built up even more._

Entering the building, I saw Tessa sitting at the interview table. She looked like a nervous wreck but smiled anyway. "Hey."

 _You can do this, Mariah. Just ignore the churning in your stomach._ "Hey." Opening my laptop, I cleared my throat. "So, I need a little info about the song so Hilary can introduce you and your song."

"Okay." The dark-haired musician fidgeted. "What do you need to know?"

"What caused the song to materialize so quickly? Just the other day you had nothing and Devon was getting irritated."

A cautious laugh bubbled up Tessa's throat. "That doesn't sound like something Hilary wants to know." She paused, taking a steady breath. "I just…I found my muse again." Something in that moment, changed in the woman sitting before me. She was lighter somehow. Like a giant burden had been lifted.

"Okay." Typing quickly, I could barely hold back the urge to ask what that muse was. _I need to stop. It's probably Noah. He's always been a romantic. They're probably going off to Paris or somewhere extravagant for their upcoming anniversary._ "Is there anything else you want your fans to know?"

Tessa chose her words. "Just that-" She held my gaze, "…things have changed." My heart pounded as Hilary yelled for everyone to get into place. "Here we go."

Settling into my seat, I waited for the red light and count down. "Mariah," the post man ran up to me quickly. "This is for you."

"Hey! Get off the stage!" Hilary barked.

Unwrapping the fabric, my breath hitched. My journal. Turning to the last page, I saw Tessa's handwriting.

 _I'm sorry for everything. I hope one day you can forgive me and give us a chance. When I said I found my muse, I wasn't lying. This song is for you._

"Mariah, put that away! We're on in five, four, three, two… Hello everyone! Today we have a special guest. You may or may not know her. She's GC's newest artist here to share what will be her next big hit, "Hello, it's me." After the song, we'll have a short Q&A." Looking towards Tessa, she smiled. "Whenever you're ready."

"Thanks, Hilary." Taking a deep breath, Tessa started to play.

 _Hello, it's me. I was wondering if after all these months you'd like to meet. To go over everything. They say that time's supposed to heal ya but I ain't done much healing._

 _Hello, can you hear me? I'm in Genoa City dreaming about who we used to be when we were younger and free. I've forgotten how it felt before the world fell at our feet. There's such a difference between us and what feels like a million miles._

 _Hello from the other side. I must have called a thousand times to tell you I'm sorry for everything that I've done. But when I call you never seem to be home._

My heart ached. Every once in a while, Tessa would lock eyes with me. They were full of regret, passion, love, and hope. All of the walls I had built up crumbled. Her soul was shown bare to me and the world.

 _To tell you I'm sorry for breaking your heart. But it don't matter. It clearly it doesn't tear you apart anymore._

Seeing a single tear run down Tessa's cheek nearly broke me. _Does she actually love me like I love her? What about Noah? He's standing feet away and yet she is clearly singing to me. Damn it, Tessa!_ The lump in my throat was excruciating.

 _Hello, how are you? It's so typical of me to talk about myself. I'm sorry. I hope that you're well. It's no secret that the both of us are running out of time._

The next two minutes felt like years as the once closed off woman spilt her heart and soul to me. When she finished, the studio was silent. No one moved. No one knew what to think let alone say.

Finally, Tessa broke the silence by clearing her throat. Jumping up, I grabbed a box of tissues kept just out of scene and held the box as a peace offering. "Thank you." Her voice was horse. It was clear she had the same lump in her throat.

"You're welcome." Smiling, held the woman's gaze a moment letting her know we needed to talk.

"Wow." Hilary snapped back into her normal show woman state. "That was…very different."

"Yes," Tessa laughed nervously, rubbing her hands together. "I know it is. But, it just came to me in a coffee shop." When Noah left, we knew there would be Hell to pay. "I just hope it's not too late."

"Well, with that song in your corner, who could say no?" Turning her attention back to the camera, Hilary signed off as she always did.

After everything wrapped, Devon came up to congratulate Tessa and talk a little bit of business. I kept a few steps back. If this was going to work between us, we needed to talk privately. "Thank you, Devon. I'll come in Monday so we can mix it."

"Sounds great." With a final approving nod, he left to talk with Hilary.

I could see Tessa was still worried whether her plan worked or not. To be honest, I wasn't even sure but I knew I needed to talk with her alone. "Why don't we go celebrate your new song? I have a bottle of wine in the fridge."

Instantly, Tessa's face brightened in a way I've not seen in months. "Sure."

Arriving at home, I pushed open the door quietly. "Sharon? Anyone home?" When there wasn't an answer, I allowed Tessa entrance. "I'm surprised we got past security so easily. I figured Victor would have a hit out on both of us."

A nervous laugh escaped the woman's throat. "Can we lock the door just in case?"

"Yeah. The wine is in the fridge. You know where the glasses are if you want to get that while I make sure no one can kill us." I watched as my former best friend disappeared into the kitchen. _I'm insane. I'm totally insane._ Sitting on the couch, I leaned my head back to breathe. _I know love is messy but good God. How did it get like this? I fell in love with my brother's girlfriend. I don't want to hurt Noah but it's not like I meant to fall for her._

"You're not falling asleep on me already, are you?"

"Nah." Sitting up, I took the offered glass and turned to face the taller woman. "Just thinking about things."

"About us?" Her voice was timid.

"That's part of it." Silence fell between us as we sipped the wine.

"Mariah, I meant what I wrote in your journal and in the song. As for why I took your journal, I don't know. It was a moment of weakness. You said you wrote and I needed inspiration." A soft tint of pink colored the musician's cheeks. "And," she paused, struggling with the words. "You have always been a muse of mine. You and my sister always helped me figure out lyrics. Despite everything, when I saw you sitting alone at Crimson Lights, sipping coffee, totally engrossed in your writing…it was a beautiful sight. Ever since I started dating Noah, things have been strained between us. Even more so since we kissed and I, regrettably, said we should keep that kiss in a vault and leave it."

A choked, bitter laugh escaped me. "Those words still haunt me." Looking away, I cleared my throat. My eyes starting to burn remembering that day.  
"I'm sorry, Mariah. I was scared. I was, and still am, terrified about loving you. About being _in_ love with you. Yes, I love Noah but…and if we were to break up it would hurt but…if I was to be with you and something happen, I'd have to leave town. I couldn't bear seeing your face and know that I once held you in my arms." Biting her lip, she continued. "I thought about it actually. Leaving town, I mean. Packing a bag, writing Noah a note, and just leaving because seeing you so hurt killed me."

"I'm glad you didn't." My voice was merely a whisper.

"I am too. Anytime I was about to pack, I'd see your face and stay. Mariah, I'm damaged. You know that better than anyone in this town. I've tried opening up to people but it never works. They don't understand like you do. I know I shouldn't have read your journal…seeing exactly how you felt about me…it made me realize that what I feel isn't crazy. When you confronted me about the kiss and I said I had real feelings for you, while I wasn't lying, I wasn't telling you the full truth."

"Knowing you had my journal for those few days makes me feel better. When it went missing I just knew Hilary would use it for a show and I'd be blindsided."

"I kind of blindsided you." Topping off our glasses, Tessa inched a little closer.

"You did, yes. But in a much better way." Sipping the wine, I felt more at ease. "What are we going to do? I mean, do you want to give this, us, a chance?"

Placing her glass on the table, Tessa turned to face me. "I do. But I know I need to end things with Noah first. I just need a little time afterwards before I start anything with you. You're not a rebound."

"We need to start from the beginning. Regain one another's trust. I love you but…we have a past."

Nodding slowly, Tessa agreed. "One thing though…a promise…that you will give me a chance?" Smiling, I leaned forward and pressed my lips against the musician's. That same rush flooded me as before when she kissed back. With shaky hands, Tessa laced her fingers in my hair once more as she deepened the kiss.

Keeping a vice grip on her waist, I broke the kiss. Letting my forehead rest against hers, I spoke softly. "I promise. But first, you need to break up with my brother."

"Of course." Both of us jumped apart when a key tried turning the lock. Terror covered the woman's face when it was followed by a rapid knock.

"Mariah!"

"It's Sharon. She knows how I feel about you." I paused at the door. "And the kiss."

"Oh, God." Downing the rest of her wine, Tessa braced herself.

Opening the door, I greeted my frantic mother. "Hey Sharon."

"We need to talk about-" Her sights fell on the timid woman who sat on our couch. "Oh, Tessa…you're here."

"Yes," she stood quickly. "I can leave. The two of you obviously have a lot to talk about." Grabbing her coat, Tessa hurried to the door, only to be blocked by Sharon. "Or not…"

"Both of you, sit." Glancing behind us, she continued. "I see you polished off the wine. While my mother's voice was stern, it was still caring. "I figured, I could give you a warning: Noah's on his way here."

"What?!" Tessa and I spoke in unison.

"Sharon-" Before I could continue, a light knock sounded from the door. Taking my hand, Tessa squeezed.

"Hey Noah, come in." Stepping to the side, Sharon allowed her son entrance.

"Hey, Mom." Noah's expression was unreadable as his gaze fell on us. "Mariah, Tessa." Neither of us spoke. My brother chose his words carefully as he stood ridged. "How long has this been going on between you?"

"Noah," Tessa pleaded. "It's not…we've not…"

"What she's trying to say is: she's not cheating on you with me." I paused, gauging his reaction. "But we do have feelings for one another."

Folding his arms, much like Victor, he spoke flatly. "You love my girlfriend?"

"Yes, Noah. It started before you and her began dating."

His eyes softened as his arms dropped. "Why didn't you tell her before we got involved?"

"Because it's difficult. While yes, there's a lot of scandals in GC, a gay couple isn't one of them. I wasn't sure what I was feeling at first and by the time I finally admitted it to myself, you two were dating."

"Why didn't you tell me?" Noah's rigidness turned into his normal caring demeanor.

 _How is he not furious?_ "Tell my _brother_ that I had feelings for _his_ girlfriend? Noah, I have hard enough time opening up to people. Think about this."

"That's true." He smirked. "You're not the sharing type."

"No, I'm really not."

"Look, I'm not angry. I think, somewhere in the back of my head, I saw this coming. The way you two acted around each other and how miserable you've both been after whatever fight you had…I guess what I'm saying is: if I had to lose Tessa to someone, at least it's you. Mariah, I saw first hand how happy you are around Tessa, and vice versa, so I know you'll be good together. You both have had rough pasts so you can help one another heal."

Relief washed over me. "Thank you, Noah."

"You're a good man, Noah." Tessa smiled. "I truly hope you find someone who makes you happy."

"Thanks. It'll take a while though." Hearing a familiar ringtone, Noah's jaw clenched. "You guys may want to hide out for a little while. Grampa is not one of your biggest fans." Turning, Noah answered. "Hey, Grampa. Yeah, I can be there soon. Leaving the ranch now." Silence filled the house as he left.

"So…I'm pretty sure I'm homeless now." Tessa leaned back covering her face with her hands. "That was…"

"Unexpected?" I offered. "And you're not homeless. Sharon has taken to letting people stay here until they find a place. Maybe if we beg, she'll let you stay too?" Daring a glance in my mother's direction, I grinned sheepishly.

"Oh, no. This is your house too, Mariah. If you want to invite Tessa to live here, that's your choice. Not mine. I'm neutral in this whole thing. I'm going to go make dinner while the two of you talk."

Tessa waited until Sharon was gone to speak. "Mariah, if this is going to cause tension between you and your mother, I can find somewhere else. I've already caused you so much trouble-"

"I want you here. We need to rebuild and I don't want Victor running you out of town. We'll get your stuff from Noah's when he's gone."

"Thank you." Taking my hand, Tessa squeezed gently.

Xxx

The next few weeks were hectic to say the least. Tessa's new single took number three in the most downloaded, Victor threatened to run us out of town if we didn't leave the ranch, and Noah eventually let us come and gather Tessa's things. Thankfully, neither of us lost our jobs and we were able to find a small one bed, one bath studio apartment that was in our budget.

"Okay, here's the last box." Placing the box in the small kitchen, Tessa spoke again. "Mariah? You okay?" Her eyes fell on my slightly trembling hands. "Oh…You found my journal."

"'Most people in GC are rich snobs. Some better than others. I came looking for my sister but never realized this town would make me reevaluate everything I once believed about myself. Her red flaming hair and emerald eyes cause my heart to race anytime I see her. I don't know her name yet. From what I've heard, she's the half sister of Noah Newman. She's different though.'" I flipped a few pages and continued. "'I'm not sure if we're flirting or not. I said she looked hot at the athletic club and I've never seen someone look so adorable when flustered.'"

"Oh Lord." Wrapping her arms around my waist, Tessa let her chin rest on my shoulder. "Are you going to read much more? Some of the entries get far too embarrassing."

"'Living with Sharon and Mariah is…I'm not sure.'"

"Yup, here we go."

"'I'm constantly torn. I love Noah but…when I see Mariah…it's different. I now realize, for my own good, I can't come out of my room before seven. I saw Mariah in a towel after she got out of the shower once and couldn't breathe. The fluffy black towel barely covered her chest and fell halfway down her creamy thighs. She looked like an angel. I want to write a song but there's no way I could without everyone realizing who it was about.'" Turning my head, I grinned. "I remember that day. I was mortified that you saw me naked."

"Yeah, I've never seen you so red before." Smiling, Tessa kissed my cheek. "Continue?"

Flipping a few more pages, I landed on an entry that the ink had been smudged. "'I don't know what to do. I love Noah but I think I'm in love with Mariah. We kissed in San Fran and I've never felt so alive. She panicked afterwards but I tried calming her down. I hate what I said to her and regret it every day. But I'm in a good place. I don't have to worry anymore about whether I'll have a home or a next meal. I don't want to hurt Noah but this is killing me. I fall asleep every night and wake up every morning wishing I would open my eyes and see tossed red hair beside me. We've grown so far apart that she hardly acknowledges me when we're in the same room. I've hurt her. I know I have. Noah keeps asking what's going on between Mariah and I and I can't tell him.'"

A heavy sigh escaped the taller woman as she hid her face in my neck. "I'm sorry…I can never apologize enough for what I put you through all those months." Taking the book from my hands, Tessa flipped to the final page and read. "'I'm going to do it. And I can only hope my plan works. I know I shouldn't have stolen Mariah's journal, and I shouldn't have read it either but, somehow, it's given me the strength to leave my safe zone. I need to be with Mariah to be happy. She's the one I want to wake up with and it's not fair to her or Noah that I keep pretending.'"

Turning in my girlfriend's arms, I wrapped my arms around her neck. "We could be a romcom, I swear."

A nervous laugh escaped Tessa's throat. "One that we'd throw popcorn at the TV afterwards? That's for sure. I'll be happy when our little scandal blows over and Hilary stops harassing us about a segment. I just want to be happy with you. I know we'll always be in the news because you co-host GC Buzz and I'm a musician, but it'll be nice to not be at the top of the charts because we're the main story. Once things calm down, we can both relax."

"That'll be nice." Running my fingers through silky hair I let my forehead rest against Tessa's. "Until then, let's lay low and stay inside. Get our little hole in the wall setup so we can fall asleep together and wake up together. Just like you wrote." I captured the taller woman's lips with mine and loved every second.

Like all news in this town, our story eventually got put to the back burner when something new and exciting happened. Tessa and I were both thankful for that. We just wanted to be left alone to figure out where our relationship would go. It was rough being social pariahs but at least we had one another.


End file.
